Monday, June 30, 2008


Scenario 1
She : I'd been molested.
He : You are LUCKY, you were not being rape.

Scenario 2
She : I'd been raped.
He : You are LUCKY, you were not pregnant.

Scenario 3
She : I'd been raped and I'm pregnant.
He : You are LUCKY, he didn't kill you.

Ohh people, by saying that she is LUCKY is NOT the way to comfort her. It's enough for her to live her life with the burden. Who is the LUCKY one actually???LELAKI??? LUCKY and LELAKI..rhythm uh??

p/s - just sumthing to ponder..mind off if it was sensitive for you!

Old friends, New comebacks

After so much things happened to me lately, i realized, i gained a lot especially in my social circles. Old friends, people i left for few years suddenly pop-up in front of me. People i used to let go and sacrifice during my social retreat years suddenly came back into my life. :) I'm flattered..I was just like waking up from my very long-long sleep. to realize how friendship means so much to know which REAL friends are there through thick and thin.. to start trusting people back.. to gain back my social confidence.. I have learned a lot!Thank you for always be there friends :)
p/s- F.L.O.W.E.R (Friendships Like Ours Will Eternally Remain)

Friday, June 27, 2008


Ayeem self portrait minus the curly hair. :P~Just my masterpiece i did on my so called bored day; today :D Using some brushes in adobe photoshop cs2 i managed to come out with the idea. It wasn't that good but enough to satisfy me :) I dreamt to be a designer long-long time ago but i ended up doing engineering...weird weird world huh?I have 2 friends whose dream to be rock stars and politicians..they believe they sumday will create sumthing big to the world..ambitious!Insyaalah..there always a will if we want sumthing..shoot for the moon even if u fail, u still be among the stars :) Good Luck dears! Do leave your comment on dis . merci! :)

p/s - you dun always get what u want. but u always get what u need :) Allah maha adil~

Thursday, June 26, 2008


Let me tell you, i am a shoe addict :) everytime i went out for a shopping spree i will look out for shoes! and shoes is always my priority when i have money to's been a few months i didn't go for shoes hunting..but i still have a long list of shoes i want :) hunting for shoes is like hunting for your want to find a pair of shoes who fit you..comfortable to wear ..and look good on you..something that can match your wearings..and always support also protect you from dirt and harm..same like our partner! Frankly, i'm so into guys with shoes :D sport shoes especially!I also judge people thru shoes.. like me, i'm always end up with complicated and gonna-hurt-my-feet mom called it, the shoes that eat my feet..that's why i always keep plaster or bandage in my bag :P~ same with my love's always complicated and hurts and it eats my heart inside!Looking at other people..people who likes to wear other people's shoes are like to steal other people's property..even girlfrens/boyfrens! They are more interested with other people property instead of theirs even it dun match them (i know one!). And people who don't care what shoes they are wearing are people who dun care about their will do..i-dun-care-if-i-look-stupid!Sandals and flip flops are for simple people...they are more open minded people(i think!).One more thing..people can look at your shoes and they can comment about it!OK, enough comparing shoes with life!

I dun wear heels..because i had problem with it...maybe i'm too clumsy or maybe i'm not that stable.. I still remember i slipped off in front Dato' Sharizat Jalil during my graduation night certificate giving due to my high heels. Yeah, of course people laughed at me and since then i rarely wear one.Thank you high heels!I did wear heels during my internship a year ago but only in my office. I went to work in flip flops and changed them after that :P~ somehow high heels will hurt my ankle badly, so i dun really prefer them tho i am short!If the shoe fit then wear it!If it doesnt why we must change the feet?If you find someone who fit you, love him/her..If he/she doesn't fit you..why you have to change yourself?

My list of wanted shoes start with this shoe ;

I saw this shoe in Jaya Jusco Ipoh a few months ago. I've done collecting RM210 for the shoes :) yeay!This is a santa cruz Crocs shoes coloured with white/lapis pat. This laid back shoe provide casual beach style. I'm loving it!I just love slip-on canvas shoes!

This is my second crave..heh :) uppity-rhino red by marc ecko :D i saw this shoe in Sunway pyramid when i was window shopping with Alin.. I really love the rhinestone accented forefoot strap and rubber outsole. Suke..suke..suke..!mau..mau..mau!

p/s- How about living in ayeem's shoe for a day?

Wednesday, June 25, 2008


I snoozed off in my tears. I woke up still in cry. But I turned around and I smiled. :) I got a few short-message-services. I read. I laughed. A poem to be exact and like this, part of it sounds…

Setelah, beberapa purnama, Tergamam ku seketika seolah tersentak dari lama tidurku.Kau hadir kembali, jiwaku beronak keceriaan,Bunga-bunga mekar kembali,Burung-burung berkicauan gembira, Mentari muncul memancar sinar…

Ewah!..never read such did made me laugh! Thank you. I do really appreciate it…Thank you for your help.. Thank you for your support.. Thank you for making me laugh :)

p/s - Aku tidak tahu berpuitis. Maafkan aku :P~


Today, i tried to pile up and load different brushes in adobe photoshop to made a 400x100 canvas effect tag. I wasted my whole day downloading different .abr files from the internet and the best webie i cud find the best brushes is (try it!). I dun really have that talent to make my own brushes using adobe illustrator, so it's better for me just to use those brushes i've already downloaded from the internet. :) haha..senang-cepat-mudah! Tho there are many complicated brushes to download i just picked the cute ones as i'm just a newbie in this. Unfortunately my trial to make a chantek tag turned into disaster and emi did laugh out at it. I tried again but again but still, it looked hideous!But, i still dun have the shame to promote my bad artwork here, in my blog..So, here goes my-'art'work-i-did-when-i-was-so-bored..any comment will do..positive or negative i just dun care!trying to improve myself with the talent that i lacked of..and do compare mine with emi's...*sigh*..

my first attempt :)

my second attempt :)

emi's ; trying to promote me ;)

p/s - creative??? so-not-me!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The Lies and Betrayal

SHATTERED, furious, resentful, heartbroken, numb, humiliated, rejected, hurt, and NOT SAFE – these are just some of the feelings we experience when we’ve been betrayed.

Many people hear the word, "betrayal", and think of infidelity, yet the experience is actually much broader. Yes, the hurt feelings can result from a love betrayal, but the same symptoms can also be triggered by an unfaithful coworker or boss; betrayal in a friendship; disloyalty from a workplace, community, even country; the earth appearing to turn on us; or what is sometimes described as the ultimate betrayal - a loss of trust or faith in our relationship with “something bigger, something spiritual”. Regardless of the source, the emotional distress is often severe.

A friend knowingly breaks a confidence that causes hurt and loss of reputation; this is betrayal... A spouse professes love and loyalty while involved in an emotional affair outside the marriage; this is betrayal... A boss or organization pretends to be honest and fair while manipulating employees to exploit their talents; this is betrayal...What do these examples of broken trust have in common?
  • Personal and/or cultural expectations (understood by the betrayed as “The Truth”) are present.
  • Based on these expectations, whole-hearted loyalty is given to another.
  • "The Truth" is shattered; often due to someone making choices despite potential, major damage to the relationship.
  • Shock and intense hurt feelings inevitably result.
Unfortunately, betrayals appear to be on the rise. It helps to know that we are not alone as broken trust is a universal experience.The human need to belong and be part of a relationship makes us open and therefore vulnerable to these painful emotions. An act of betrayal can hurt as much as, if not more than, a physical injury, but the trauma resides not in the body but in the mental/emotional/spiritual realm – our subtle energy fields. If we think of betrayal as a wound to the energy system, it follows that to heal; we must acknowledge and work with this same energy system.
p/s - “The harder you fall the higher you bounce” - Horace (Circa 35 B.C.E.) so get up and bounce higher ayeem!

Canon EOS 400D Digital

The spirit of photography!My dream camera; the EOS 400D !

I wish..i wish.. i wish for the camera for my birthday...oh dear fairy..dear angel..dear genie...dear whatever...i want one..can aaaa? :( A snap of memory...A photograph is memory in the raw...looking at the family picture where everyone was smiling...a fake smile.. that was the time when a moment stop and the fake of life captured.. looking the world thru a camera lens...what we'll see?? yup, the meaning of life, reality....even it is a fake!The photograph can tell us nothing more than what we see with our own eyes, there is another in which it proves to us how little our eyes permit us to see.All photos are accurate. None of them is the truth.The camera cannot lie, but it can be an accessory to untruth. A photograph can't tell the truth of what a photographer actually sees. The truth; that's what i want to seek and look for!

p/s- why i want a camera? because i want to fake my life, i want to be a fake and i want to see the fake..enough saying~

Monday, June 23, 2008


Just got my haircut..a new one.. because i'm really sick of my long-long has been half a year i didn't do anything to it...and it has been a few months i didn't care about my looks and appearances...the hair dresser said it will be a lost to cut my chantek long original wavy hair..but who cares??..he used to loved it too and he ended up chasing for the rebonded one...yeah, too much sweet words!I even suffered hair lost because of that...3 years of stressed!So, by cutting my hair short is a way to get rid of all my trauma...that hairdresser told me..yeah, i wish for that trauma to be gone..i really wish...back to ayeem-who-never-keep-her-hair-long-before!

p/s- next; facial treatment n make over class...hahahaha leisure!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Truffles, Chocolate truffles

Achik just got back from Russia for her holidays. Just like past years, we will have stacks of chocolates in our fridge..and as usual i'll be the one who gonna finish every single bite of it..nyum2 :) Chocolate just like drug and lust drug...drug that can fake our happiness and even orgasm!Due to some circumstances, my chocoholism is getting worst from day to day..i think i am addicted to tryptophan and phenylethylamine in it! (tho they only present in chocs in very small quantity..hehs)..One of my favourite is TRUFFLES...

Chocolate truffles are a group of chocolate confectionery, traditionally made with a chocolate ganache center coated in chocolate or cocoa powder, usually in a spherical, conical or curved shape. Other fillings may replace the ganache: cream, melted chocolate, caramel, nuts, almonds, berries or other assorted sweet fruits, nougat, fudge or toffee, mint, chocolate chips, marshmallow and popularly liquor. They are named for their resemblance to the truffle fungus. (same ke?hahaha..see below pictas to compare choc truffles and tuber genus a.k.a truffle fungus :P~)...These truffles i'm eating are the "European truffle"which is made with syrup and a base made up of cocoa powder, milk powder, fats, and other such ingredients to create an oil-in-water type emulsion.Very nice.... nyum2 :)

<----Chocolate truffles

Truffles fungus---->
p/s - There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles. -Anonymous

Thursday, June 19, 2008


A bad apology is worse than no apology. If you sed sorry to someone do you really meant it?Halfhearted or insincere apologies often worse than not apologizing at all because recipients find them insulting.A good apology is like an antibiotic; a bad apology is like rubbing salt in the wound.
Two example of bad apologies are;
1) Apology with an attempt at an emotional slave; to hurt...
2) Giving an apology but asking for one back!

Proper apology contains three parts;
1)What i did was wrong.
2)I feel bad for what i did.
3)How to make things better.

So, be sincere...If we apologized and the other person didnt apologize back,don't let it eat at you.. that's not something we can control :)

p/s - Do not envy a sinner, you dunno what disaster awaits him :)

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Gua Tempurung Exploration

One of the most majestic white marble and limestone towers in Malaysia is the Gunung Tempurung; the wondrous cave.Concealed within this limestone massif is an intricate system of caves of various dimensions honeycombed inside the limestone hills. These caves are actually a breathtaking gallery of stalagmites and stalactites and other amazing rock formations which are superb speleological wonders found only in this part of the world.The cave meanders under the limestone hill and forms a tunnel of wondrous and endless rock formations that runs from east to west, nearly 2 km in length.

“They see only their own shadows or the shadows of one another, which the fire throws on the opposite wall of the cave”- Plato

This was my first time exploring cave. :) Actually this CAVING activity happened a month ago, but it cud be interesting if i shared it here.We took The Grand Tour package priced RM 22 for an adult and RM11 for a children. THE GRAND TOUR is a complete catwalk journey from the entrance with full-length underground river adventure. It was a very challenging and strenuous tour, for about three and a half hour. It was fun! Somewhat, fascinating!Yup, at the of the end of the journey we were really exhausted but of course we were having a good time; crawling, sliding and climbing in the DARK :) !Raje, Chuna, Suria, Nash, Cikwin, Kaydee, and Darwish....thanks for the memories :) WORTH it!

p/s- i saw ELEPHANT look-alike lime stones.. :D

Jeanne D'Arc

Joan Of Arc's map in Age Of Empires II : The Ages of Kings
Joan of Arc was a farmer's daughter with an extraordinary mission: to break the English siege of Orleans (ancient seat of the French kings) and restore the Valois heir to the throne of France.

Inspired since the age of 13 by voices (according to Joan, the saints Michael, Catherine, and Margaret), she enlisted the aid of a French captain to gain audience with the Dauphin*. Convincing Charles* and his staff of theologians of her divine calling, she was assigned royal troops to carry out her mission.Joan dressed and armed herself as a man* (to the horror of her later judges), but it was her energy and confidence that inspired her followers more than her prowess in battle. Her amazing successes in liberating Orleans (May 1429), defeating the English at Patay*, and crowning the Dauphin at Rheims were quickly attributed by her enemies to black magic; captured by Burgundians early in 1430, she was sold to the English and put on trial for witchcraft and heresy (claiming direct communication with God).

She endured harsh treatment bravely, then recanted and was sentenced to life imprisonment. But she later resumed dressing as a man, and, abjuring her confession, was burnt at the stake. Charles' coronation was symbolically a major setback to the English; by raising French morale Joan's example contributed greatly to turn the tide of the Hundred Years War, well earning the Duke of Bedford's (and Shakespeare's*) sour portrayal of her as "a disciple and limb of the fiend."

Joan Of Arc the movie starring Milla Jovovich

Joan of mIRC nickname since i was in form 2 (till now!).. back then when i was so obsessed with history.. obsessed with my 3rd language subject, French.. obsessed with gaming;playing AOE with buyoh :)... obsessed with Milla Jovovich (till now!).. hehe.. after all it was just an obsessive me :) i even used above poster as my desk's wrapper!Joan of idol of high class woman warrior ... *singing She's so high by Everclear*

"'Cause she's so highHigh above me, she's so lovelyShe's so high, like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or AphroditeShe's so high, high above me"

p/s - Joan Of Arc; an early feminist?

Pantai Irama Bachok

I have always loved the beach. The smell of the salty water, the wind in my face, the gentle roar of the waves all combine to create a sense of peace and calm.Play in the sand; splash in the water; get dirty; get wet. It’s hard for me to put into words why I like the beach so much. Everything about it is renewing for me, almost like therapy...Beach Therapy..The waves are like sweeping away all my sorrow.In every outthrust headland, in every curving beach, in every grain of sand there is the story of the earth. :) The waves of the sea...Help me get back to me!

Lucky me, i found 5 bucks note on the beach :P~

"Our memories of the ocean will linger on, long after our footprints in the sand are gone"

"As the ocean is never full of water, so is the heart never full of love"

p/s - a house by the beach; i wish....

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Unconscious mind

The unconscious or subconscious mind, according to classical Freudian psychoanalysis, is a "part" of the mind that stores repressed memories. The theory of repression maintains that some experiences are too painful to be reminded of, so the mind stuffs them in the cellar. These painful repressed memories manifest themselves in neurotic or psychotic behavior and in dreams. However, there is no scientific evidence either for the unconscious repression of traumatic experiences or their causal agency in neurotic or psychotic behavior.

The unconscious mind is also thought by some, such as Jung and Tart, to be a reservoir of transcendent truths. There is no scientific evidence that this is true.

It would be absurd to reject the notion of the unconscious mind simply because we reject the Freudian notion of the unconscious as a reservoir of repressed memories of traumatic experiences. We should recognize that it was Freud more than anyone else who forced us to recognize unconscious factors as significant determinants of human behavior. Furthermore, it seems obvious that much, if not most, of one's brain's activity occurs without our awareness. There is no question that we sense many things without being consciously aware of them There is also no question that unconscious factors can affect behavior or motor action There is little question that many unconscious factors drive such complex phenomena as language ability. Consciousness or self-awareness is obviously the proverbial tip of the iceberg. But most interest in the unconscious mind has been restricted to potentially harmful memories that might be stored or stirring there, memories of bad experiences that influence our conscious behavior even though we are unaware of their impact. Others have shown interest in the unconscious mind as a reservoir of universal truths or a place where the "true self" dwells. Neither of these views seems well supported by the empirical evidence. -

If i cud control my conscious mind... Can i control these unconscious mind thingy too? I'm sick of nightmares...I'm sick of uncontrollable heart beats...I'm sick of throwing out when i saw him...I'm sick that i cudnt sleep...I'm sick of shivering when i open my eyes...make me sick of my life..they sed time will heal..but when?

p/s- Mind and brain can be EXTREMELY complex.

Monday, June 16, 2008

A Guy, Flowers and A Cat

I asked him..."What a woman worth to you?"..He replied..."The WORLD.." I smiled...Remembering our good old days..we still have the 'chemistry'..and he will be always a friend of mine...a friend who tries to make me SMILE..and i did.. i did SMILE :)... Lucky for his girl ;) That guy in the picture, with flowers and the cat will come to me sumday...and i'm gonna worth his WORLD...Ameen

p/s - picture courtesy to SOLE :)


The trauma of my personal war was past, but the taste of peace was far from sweet. I reflected often on the emotional scars I had acquired in such a short lifetime; sadly, all my wounds had been inflicted by men. As a result, I could hold not even one member of opposite sex in high esteem. I, being paranoid.....

Sunday, June 15, 2008


The classic international bestseller...'Princess' the true story of life inside Saudi Arabia's royal family by Jean Sasson...(thanks kerel for the books!) is the synopsis of the book i'm reading right now.. :)

'Princess is a testimony to a woman of indomitable spirit and great courage. By speaking out, 'Sultana' risks the wrath of the Saudi establishment and for this reason, she had told her story anonymously through the best selling aouthor Jean Sasson. For the first time, a real Saudi woman opens the door to give readers an unvarnished look inside a closed society. ' Sultana' life the veil on the shocking world of forced marriages, sex slavery, honours killings and other outrages against women, both royal and common.'

The book questioned about the worth of woman to men. What is the meaning of women existance to men? companionship or just pleasure? The issue touched kinda scary yet thoughtful :) ..Yup, a lil bit sexist..haha..i recommend the book to all..(women of betrayal especially :P~)..I learned a lot from the book..from the history of Saudi royal monarchy to the laws of Saudi Arabia.. interesting... more interesting.. it quotes words from Khalil Gibran..and other ancient proverb..menareks!

p/s- ayeem the feminist? :)

Monday, June 2, 2008


Aperkah pendapat anda if a girl initiate a guy first?Even Siti Khadijah initiate Rasulullah dulu. Well, i know it's not wrong but looking at things nowdays this is my opinion. Aku wat survey among dis 5 guys..3 of them cakap pompuan tuh gedik...huh? 2 of them cakap "laki suke kot pompuan initiate dulu" :) i shud change dat sentences to "laki suke kot kalo pompuan LAWA initiate dulu". bile aku cakap camtuh dis guy's common things, mcm if lelaki initiate pon that girl must first look at his outter look. From my opinion pompuan lawa mmg tayah initate because she knows guys are chasing for her. Tp if pompuan lawa tuh initate that means die tengah testing power :)...Dan pompuan2 yang tak lawa (cam aku!) initiate sbb desperate... percentage yg succeed pon just a few..(sbb the guy yg derang initiate mmg dah suke kat derang)ye la kan kate tak cantik..laki makin siket kat dunie nih competition makin sengit...soh for these initiators to get their place in his heart makin la susah...typical guys tgk skin n body...i'm not sexist, it's just a ade gak org cakap artist yg cantik pon kne one!...usually artist yg cantik kne dump sbb her guys jumpe artist yg lagik cantik and's just too obvious :) pompuan initiate mmg applicable in dis modern world..but for me it's not the true love...n i'm still waiting for my prince to come and initiate me :) yup conservative thinking but that's just me ;ayeem.
p/s - i might dun have the looks..but i have my brain n my PRIDE n heart too :)

Sunday, June 1, 2008


The the memory of #9802...
Just some memories...mase dolu2 24 jam chatting mirc...mase dolu2 bising ramai2 kat depan channel pon aku tak kesah..mase dolu2 aku sanggup edit ascii arts sndrik...mase dolu2 popups ngan remotes leh program sndrik...mase dolu2 mirc scripts lebih dari satu...mase dolu2 sume logs aku simpan...mase dolu2 aku bangge jadik founder memane channel yg ramai..mase dolu2 aku gembira dapat kick ban slap org...mase dolu2 aku hafal sume command..mase dolu2....tgk header aku pon dah jangkit :) mase sekarang? "watpe nk masuk MIRC? tade sape nk private message pon..haha" yup, people are ignorance nowdays..time change, people do change too.. org kate lagi tue lagi knal ramai org..lagik ramai kawan..asal aku end up alone? pelik tapi benar :)

p/s - cinta mIRC itu mengarut :)